THE OZ
by Theatremouse
Summary: Okay, a new view of Oz, PG for some language and mentioned, yet (so far) unseen f/f slashing with The Bad Witch of the East and West


Title: The OZ

**Title**: The OZ

**Genre**: Misc. à Musicals

**Rating**: Pending, PG just to be safe.

**Brief Summary**:A different view of Oz, composed very late in the day (4:23 pm) when full of Dr. Pepper and Dryer's Whole Fruit Fruit Bars, please bear with me.I plan to group two scenes together just to make it easier.

**Disclaimer**:I don't own "The Wizard of Oz" or any of it's characters, though they are in public domain, the L. Frank Baum Trust controls it.Oh well, if I did own it, there would be more merchandise from the movie.Also, I don't own the movie; the evil Ted Turner does, so all I took were the ruby slippers, and the music, and a few lyrics.Also, I have nothing against the mob, but they just worked so well with this.

**CAST:**

Dorothy Gale – Joanne Boland (she played Hillary in _Phantom of the Megaplex_)

Toto – Speedy from the Drew Carey Show

Andy M. – Rhea Pearlman

Helevina (Wicked Witch) – Whoopi Goldberg

Glinda – Sandra Bullock

Scarecrow – Lance Bass

Tin Man – Will Fredele (Eric from _Boy meets World_)

Cowardly Lion – Drew Carey

Guardian of the Gates/ Wizard of Oz – Tim Curry

**PROLOGUE**: A modern day Kansas.On Stage Left is a phone booth, one like Superman changed in.On Stage right are steps that lead to a fake apartment building, owned by **ANDY M**.Andy M, or Andrea Machado is **DOROTHY'S** angry caretaker, who hates **TOTO**, Dorothy's small dog.At back is a city.As the curtain rises Dorothy and Toto are crossing.Dorothy is dressed in blue shorts, a blue tank top over a white shirt, and tennis shoes that old and ragged.

**DOROTHY**: Oh I wish I could have had D-hall again, keeps me away from this place.Man, I wish mama wasn't so screwed up, and that dad was still alive.Oh well time to face the wicked witch.

(Andy M. opens the door; she wears a similar outfit to the one worn in _Matilda_ by Rhea Pearlman, who incidentally plays Andy M.)

**ANDY M**.: Dorothy!Get your scrawny butt in here, you have chores to do.

**DOROTHY**: Yes ma'am.For once I wish I could get out of this dump, I mean the band is so close to cutting a CD, but no, I'm to young.That means: No, I'm too lazy!I wish I were far away.(Crosses to the steps and sits down.)

(Sings to "Over the Rainbow")

Somehow I will get out 

_Of this place_

_That I'm trapped in because_

_Mom's a big disgrace._

_Somehow I need to leave here_

_I don't care how_

_Before I loose my mind_

_And have a big cow._

_Someday I'll wake and rub my eyes_

_And in that land beyond the skies_

_You'll find me._

_I'll be a laughin' daffodil_

_And leave the silly cares that fill_

_My mind behind me._

_Somehow I will leave_

_And be free_

_To do what I please_

_And ditch responsibility_

_If I could leave I know_

_I'll do so very well_

_When, oh when can I?_

**DOROTHY**: Ya' know what?I'm going to call a cab, we're leaving this dump, come on. (Enters the phone booth with Toto.Instantly it is hit by a tornado, picked up and taken off stage.Andy M. rushes in.)

**ANDY M**.: DOROTHY!Come back.(She sits.) Oh it's all my fault.

CURTAIN 

**SCENE ONE**:Munchkin Country.This is basically a graffiti playground, in a bad part of Chicago.No, this the 1978 flop "The Wiz" approach, that's what it looks like.A crumbling yellow brick road leads offstage, through the rest of the park.As the curtain rises we see a mob bosses wife dressed in a purple business suit with a skirt walking, she wears fishnets, and these really neat ruby red platform shoes, like Frank N. Furter's.The phone booth flies in as she reaches the other side of the stage, it knocks her over and lands on top of here, now dead, we see the shoes sticking out. 

**PHONE OPERATOR**: We're sorry the call cannot be transmitted because you aren't in Kansas anymore.

**DOROTHY**: Stupid phone. (Hangs it up and comes out the phone booth.)It's right; this sure isn't Kansas, where the hell is it?

(No sooner does she speak than a bright pink 1999 VW Beetle comes up.Glinda steps out, in a very stylish pink pinstripe pantsuit, carrying a sparkly briefcase.)

**GLINDA**: Hello, I don't believe we've met; my name is Glinda, the good witch. I work for the Police. And you just killed a mob boss's wife.Thank you, we all thank you.

**DOROTHY**: Great, an over protective guardian, and now trouble with mob, I'm battin' a thousand.But still, where am I?

**GLINDA**: OZ, and this is, excuse me, was Munchkin Country, but then the Mob took over, and it fell.Hey Munchkins, the area's clear, come on out.

(As she says this, twenty or so people come out.)

**DOROTHY**: I thought Munchkin meant short.

**GLINDA**: Well it did until a few years ago when we had union problems, so it doesn't anymore.(To Munchkins) Hey guys, look!(Points at dead mob lady)

**MUNCHKINS**:

Ding Dong the Bitch is dead 

_Which old Bitch, that bitch_

_Ding Dong the wicked bitch is dead!_

_She's gone where Lewis will go,_

_Below, below, below_

_Yoo-hoo!_

_Let's open up and sing_

_And ring the bells_

_Ding Dong the merry-o _

_Let's get high_

_And walk slow_

_To let them know_

_The Wicked Bitch is dead!_

_Ding Dong she's Dead!_

(**Helevina** comes screeching up in a black 1999 VW Beetle, she steps out in a black pantsuit, her hair is in a tight bun, and she smokes.)

**HELEVINA**: Oh! Myrtle, baby!(Runs to the site)

**DOROTHY**: She's a lesbian?

**GLINDA**: Yes.

**HELEVINA**: All right, where's the moron who did this, it was you wasn't it?

** **

**DOROTHY**: Yes, I'm really sorry, but—

**HELEVINA**: Can it!

**GLINDA**: Just take her shoes and go, okay?

**HELEVINA**: Of course, how stupid of me!

(The shoes disappear, and reappear on Dorothy.)

**HELEVINA**: Okay, now you've done it.You'll swim with the fishes tonight, gorgeous. (Gets in car and drives away)

**GLINDA**: Oh dear, well you'd better go see the Wizard, to get you the hell out oh here, but don't worry, as long as you wear those shoes, you won't get in trouble.Good luck.

**DOROTHY**: How do I get there?

**GLINDA**: Follow the broken yellow brick sidewalk to Emerald City.(Gets in her car and drive off waving.)

**MUNCHKINS**:

Follow the Yellow Brick Sidewalk 

_Follow the Yellow Brick Sidewalk_

_Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow,_

_Follow the Yellow Brick Sidewalk_

_You're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of OZ!_

(She runs away screaming followed by Toto.)

CURTAIN 

That's all for now!Bye!


End file.
